I can't believe there's a book about that — Obscure topics
The Good Loo Guide — Where to Go in London
Compiled by Jonathan Routh, illustrated by John Glashan, Wolfe Publishing Ltd, 1965, paperback
Buckingham Palace? The Tower Bridge? Big Ben? Pah! Mere window-dressing!
If you want to see the real London, the George Michael London, then this is the book for you!
The concentration and grueling effort required for the research of this subject is truly staggering to contemplate. Just imagine all the pints they would have had to consume each day so that they could test the facilities…
However, that's not all. These chaps are seriously concerned with the aesthetics of our public evacuation houses and have tirelessly dedicated themselves to covering every angle (Ed. note: U-bend?) of the issue. The information contained within this guide is truly fascinating.
Did you know that in 1965 there were ten all-night loos for men but none for women, a state of affairs the authors say "strikes us, and no doubt [women] as appalling"?
In the opening chapter, we find this entry on graffiti:
"Minnie Mouse is a Jew and Keep the Pope off the Moon which first appeared three years ago are still going strong. But the general standard remains abysmally low and subject matter concerns itself almost exclusively with anatomical trivia. Issue by the attendant of a suitable pencil at a small extra charge, and approval of him by the text, might be worth attempting as a solution."
I want that job!
The locations are also exceedingly helpful. Want to make a pilgrimage to the sacred showroom site of the toilet's inventor, "Crapper's Loo", established 1848 "By appointment to the late King George V"? Like sitting on the Throne itself.
But not only are loos located for the reader, they are also rated. These ratings make for fascinating reading in themselves.
The Elizabethan Room:
"The loos don't look very Elizabethan, unless Elizabethan plumbers were simply way ahead of their time. A very strange differentiation in the Ladies: three of them have white seats and soft tissue, one has a black seat and coarse paper. Wenches and female serfs only?"
Picadilly Underground:
"These are not particularly dirty establishments, but no-one could really relish a visit to them. Bearing in mind all the tourists who use them, they should be show-pieces amongst loos instead of the white-tiled characterless nothings they are. Let the loo planners of Westminster visit Sloane Square or the Air Terminal."
We can only hope that the planners in question were paying attention. What selflessness, what dedication to improving the lot of botties everywhere!
(See also When You've Got To Go)