I can't believe there's a book about that — Obscure topics
The Art of Pole Dancing - A Spin by Spin Guide
By Anonymous (now theres a surprise!), published by Sterling Publishing Company, 2006,
paperback
ISBN 978 1 4027 4238 5
I don't think it's too alarmist of me to say that when historians of the future look back at our age, to assess our contribution to the field of human endeavour and artist expression, when they come across Pole Dancing, they may be a tad disappointed.
This charming little volume would have you believe otherwise of course.
'Whether you want to show off your sexy side or are looking for a fun new spin on exercising, pole dancing is for you... ... wiggle, jiggle, and swing to the beat.'
Errrrhhhmm, ok then.
Actually I think I'll spare the world that joy.
But if I was inclined, this would definitely be the book for me!
Packed with easy to follow illustrated guides to different moves and tips on when to wink at the err, patrons(?) and grip, grope and rub various parts of your body, this has to be the definitive guide (and hopefully the only guide) to Pole Dancing.
You too could learn to do The Strut, The Little Miss Wiggle, The Teasy Does It, The Tail Feather (feathers not included) The Peekaboo To You, The Check Me Out, and the No Ifs Just Butts. (oooh, now that's just soooo clever!)
And it has some great general pointers or 'Peek-a-pointers'!
Like, Peek-a-practice, avoid tight restrictive outfits, maintain eye contact with your audience, Buy a Peek-a-boo Dance Pole TM and 'above all else, make sure you're having lots and lots of flaunty fun!'
Well, yay!
Arty Bees has just one piece of advice to add to this pantheon of sagity.
Please clean the pole regularly otherwise... ick!
OK, so I lied, we actually have two pieces of advice.
1. Don't pole dance.
2. If you must pole dance, please clean the pole regularly.
And, um... please don't do it anywhere near us...
But it has to said this book does serve one spectacular purpose, slightly more worthy than perving at the cartoons (arrggghh, not normal, not normal!) and starting on a career that would make your mother oooh-so-peek-a-boo-proud of you.
Novelty Christmas Presents.
For more fun and frivolity check out our Christmas Presents for People You Don't Like that Much.
We are soooooooo sorry.