Past their expiry date

Jammin'

By Bill Butler & Elin Schoen, Pocket Books, 1979, paperback,
ISBN 0 671 82945 9

Roller disco. Surely we must claim temporary insanity on this one. And yet, the 45-year old ex-bodybuilder takes this topic very seriously indeed:

"Roller disco will give you a lot more than a definite edge on the dance floor. It will tone up your body, tune up your mind, loosen your inhibitions as well as your limbs, teach you to relax." (preface, page v)

The writer seems to be trying to be a Zen master on skates, talking about "freeing the mind", "feeling the groove", and other clichéd hippie sayings from the time.
The text is packed with first-hand helpful hints: from proper breathing ("breathing correctly holds everything in place") to what to wear to the rink: "if you wear glasses, you might want to secure them with an elastic band so they don't take off when you do."

There's a whole page on "Falling Free", which is a nice way of saying "falling over flat on your ass". It suggests that when making a total fool of yourself in public, by falling over or crashing into others, do it as "relaxed and centered" as possible.

And, whatever you do, follow proper etiquette:

"Never grab for the person closest to you in an attempt to break your fall... if a skater near you starts to fall and tries to hang onto you (the "desperation grip", I call it), help him or her if you can. But if you know the weight is going to pull you down, skate away...

"...This is a Life Lesson from the rink. If your friends are a drag, you have to cut loose before you crash along with them." (page 34)

If you think about it, there are many such "Life Lessons" we can take from this book:

1. Don't roller disco.

2. Don't document yourself roller discoing.

3. Don't let yourself be cajoled into posing for other people's roller disco photos.

4. Leave philosophy to philosophers.

As an aside, there are so many fabulously exuberant photos of Bill in tight sparkly polyester, headbands & tight pants doing downright funky, sexy moves on his 'skates, that we found it really hard to choose just a few.

Imagine a hyperactive, muscled Richard Simmons skating to disco music, doin' The Freak, The Jam ("roller disco's answer to The Hustle"), The Detroit Stride, or The Snake: and you're there. And then, try to remove the image from your brain, all the time knowing that it's a futile battle.

The author has high hopes for his future skating disciples, whom we can only despair in picturing: at home in front of a mirror, earnestly practicing the routines described in so much detail in this holy book, thinking that being the best at the local roller disco is going to get them laid. As he says in the Preface chapter:

" ... Jammin' tells you how to really get into the action. In fact, it's likely to make you not only a roller disco star, but the hottest item in town.

"If you can stand up on skates, you can "get down" on them."

Brilliant.

June 2007 - We have been informed that Bill is now 80 and still going strong and inspiring future generations of roller disco fans.  Apparently, it's true - Roller Disco will never die!
Way to go Bill, you rock.