Present flow chart
— Only a mediocre friend?
Do they keep you waiting?
And blame it on a bad hair day
or temporary insanity...?
...of an Arts & Crafts variety?

Do they have tragic taste in fashion and culture...
Do they come from far away...
...where people have strange habits?
And stranger mating practices?

Maybe they don't even like themselves...

Are you just cheap and lazy and can't be bothered shopping?
Not right? Try, try again... Back to the beginning!
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