Arty Bees Books Blog

31st January 2006

Well, here we are again, and somehow I seem to have miraculously snuck in another blog before the end of the month. This must be a good omen for the beginning of a year, to actually be meeting a deadline on time, however much by the skin of my teeth! I would make a New Year's resolution to continue in such fine fettle, but for the irony that seeing as it's the 31st of January already, it may be too late in the year for a New Year's resolution. Especially one concerning being on time…

We at Arty Bees all had a good Christmas I believe, and I hope that is also true for everyone reading this.

Ours started early in December with the first ever Arty Bees Staff Christmas Party. When you are open 84 hours a week, (approximately 12 hours a day) at two different locations, and almost every day of the year, it does make it hard to get everybody together at one place. This isn't as bad as it sounds, as most of our staff are hellishly hard to get rid of and are forever popping in to say hello and hang out during their off hours. (Ed. note: Welcome to the Hotel California... you can check out any time...)
Sunday breakfast parties have been considered, but a few of our nightshift staff religiously don't get up before midday and others live over a hour's commute away, so in the end we closed up early one Monday night and kicked up our heels at the One Red Dog in Blair St where a good time was had by all.

Mostly, it has to be said, by laughing at me in my Secret Santa gift.

It seems that Bee related items are now an unavoidable event in my life, and that I should just get used to it. So, now to go with my bee-adorned Big Giant Head from Bronnie in 2003, and the Giant Felt Buzzy Bee Hat of 2004 from Bern, I now have a Bee Suit, complete with antennae, wings, a stinger, and lots of black and yellow stripes, from Pippa. *
The night ended in a sterling rendition of a song (I'm afraid the wine was too good and I don't remember what it was) by Bob, our (now retired) Commander-in-Chief, and a resolution to make it a yearly tradition!

So, with Christmas over and the New Year already well upon us it's time to look ahead to what is going to be a year of big changes.
Firstly, we are losing two of our longest-serving staff members at the end of February, both of whom are going to leave a huge gap in our lives, let alone the roster!

Moo started with us over six years ago, a tender young thing of only 20 years of age, seemingly sweet and innocent.
At least that was my impression at the interview. Either I got it very wrong, or we have indelibly corrupted her, as she certainly doesn't fit that description now! My beloved co-conspirator in presenting the Arty Bees Cabinet of Curious Bibliophilia Book Gallery has what could be described as a rather naughty sense of humour,** not to mention a talent for stringing words together in eloquent and beautiful sentences. Both of which I'm sure, are why she has been selected to attend the celebrated Witi Ihimaera Writing Course at Auckland University. (They only take twelve applicants each year!)
So, while we hate to lose her, we did in the end have to admit that it really wasn't practical for her to commute each morning, and we let her leave. We can only hope that she may return to us lowly minions of literature next year, at least part time, while she finishes her book.

Our second loss of the month is Ra, well known and loved for her droll sense of humour, and perennial good cheer, who has been with us almost as long, and will certainly be just as sorely missed. On the plus side, we do at least know we will continue to see her on a regular basis, as Ra and her husband Vladimir's addiction to books will keep them in close proximity to both the Arty Bees branches!
After many a month of toil she passed her Real Estate Agent's degree (licence?) just before Christmas and is heading to a life which, though sadly devoid of a daily deluge of new and exciting titles, is also somewhat more importantly completely devoid of carrying large piles of very heavy papery things and of OOS problems.

And to top this off, we have already lost our lovely Hilary at the beginning of January. Hil (or Hilzabub to those in the know) graduated with her Nursing degree last year and is now to be found at the Orthopedic Ward at Wellington Hospital. She had been with us on and off (like I said most of our staff are hellishly hard to get rid of, and some just keep coming back) for over 9 years, and has weathered the changing face of the two shops with her unflappable charm, good nature and stylish — yet affordable — footwear. Much like Ra, we have no doubt that we shall see her again, not simply because of her addiction to American Civil War books, but also because she is, of course, Jessica's sister.

So, Pippa and I are back to the interviewing of potential worker bees again. (Ed. note: "drones"?)

While interviewing for a position in any business is always a challenge, we at Arty Bees do have a few specific requirements, which need careful consideration before taking on a new member of the Bee family.
Some requirements are basic fundamentals, like having a good work ethic, so that we don't get buried in books.
We get told on an almost daily basis how lovely it must be to work in a bookshop, getting to read all those books, all day, everyday… which is the single most widely held misconception of the bookstore worker's life. ***
Them darn books don't buy, price, shelve and tidy themselves you know!
Another employment basic is a good sense of humour, and an easy going nature with plenty of patience. These skills are a must for any career dealing with the public, and on a personal level, it makes going to work fun for the rest of us!

Other skills are a bit more obscure, and so I have prepared a quick test for those of you out there who think that they may have "The Right Stuff" to be one of our worker bees.

The Arty Bees Employment Aptitude Test

a. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
b. Jane Fonda's Workout Book by Jane Fonda
c. The Moon's A Balloon by David Niven
d. Any of the poetry of Rod McKuen
e. All of the above

2. Where in the alphabet should Lisa St Aubin de Terrain be put?

a. D
b. T
c. S
d. A
e. Wherever Robynne says so

3. Which superheros are you not allowed to slander in hearing distance of Jessica?

a. Batman
b. Superman
c. Powdered Toast Man
d. Buffy and Angel

4. What is the quickest way to endear yourself to the following staff members: Jessica, Ra, Hilary, Hamish, Joe, Moo, Pippa and Bob?

a. Run up and down the shop in your socks and then zap them with a static-electricity shock
b. Engage them in light conversation regarding 14th century humourous French poetry.
c. Take up an instrument and serenade them with the hits of Barry Manilow (and on special occasions Billy Joel).
d. Make them a cup of tea, on the hour, every hour.

5. How does Matt like his coffee?

a. Flat white three sugars
b. Moccachino extra strong
c. Long black
d. He doesn't like coffee
e. It doesn't matter as long as you keep making Jessica tea

6. Which of the following Outstanding Customer Service tips are inappropriate or (possibly) absurd?

a. Photoshop yourself into the "family and friends" photos the customer keeps in his wallet
b. Serenade them with their favourite songs while wearing a large sombrero and juggling goldfish. In a foreign language. (The serenading, not the juggling — I'm no expert but I believe that juggling can be performed in any language and is equally silly in all of them.)
c. Always make sure that you are standing to the left of the customer, therefore ensuring that they are always in the right…
d. Organise "Book Safaris" for the more rugged and outgoing customers, complete with little black and yellow jeeps and go hunting for "Bull Bookworms". Mount the prize's antlers for the customer before they leave. On a board like a trophy, not the other way...
e. Offer to rewrite literary classics so that they are more to the customer's taste.
f. All of the above

7. How many customers can you fit safely under the desk in the event of a major earthquake?

a. Just one and yourself
b. It depends how attractive they are, and the state of your food and water supplies at the desk for a prolonged stay before being rescued
c. None including yourself, because you haven't emptied the rubbish bin this shift
d. Three or four depending on how well you pack them in and whether they protest strongly at the manhandling
e. It depends on whether you have an industrial blender on hand.

8. What is the correct response to the following complaint?
"Are you aware that …… is spelt incorrectly?"

a. No it isn't
b. Matthew did it
c. Jessica did it
d. Our spell chekcer is dyslexic (Ed. Rules K.O.)
e. It wasn't Robynne

9. What time is the appropriate time for a chocolate brownie break?

a. 9 am
b. Second-breakfast.
c. Mid-afternoon
d. All of the above

10. Can we read your handwriting?

11. Can you read your own handwriting?

12. Complete this sentence concerning girls at Science Fiction Conventions

The odds are good but …__________________________

13. Name your favourite author. You will be graded on the correct response.

Click here for the answers.

So, there you are, a passport to Arty Bees employment, (if you can manage to dislodge any existing staff members) and the end of yet another newsletter.

Until next time (here's hoping it'll be February)
Robynne

*Actually, I should be truthful and admit that the antennae are quite cool, and that I wore them at the desk for most of the week leading up to Christmas.
The wonderful thing about looking slightly daft in public is that it's a great way to meet people — any insecurities someone may have about starting a conversation with a stranger fly straight out the door when they are confronted with constantly bobbing black wooly pompoms protruding from a person's head!
And Pippa also got me some chocolate to go with the outfit, so I'm not complaining! Back

Suffice to say that when I went to the bar (completely sober) the barkeep asked if maybe I had already had too much to drink.

**She has also been charitable described as "hilarious", "riotous", "funny looking" and on the odd occasion, funny in a " we're not laughing at you, we're laughing near you!" kind of way. Back

*** The other main misconceptions being:

A. That some of us look like Pamela Anderson.

B. That the rest of us look like the other woman in Stacked, or that slightly musty librarian subspecies Homo Sapiens Bibliophilius whom are easily distinguishable from the main evolutionary group of humans by their near-sightedness and camouflaging tweed plumage.

C: That we all drink and swear like Bernard Black from Black Books.

Actually, that last one may have the most truth to it. Back

Previous blogs

December 2005
October 2005
August 2005
June 2005
May 2005
February 2005
November 2004
August 2004
April 2004
February 2004
January 2004
September 2003
August 2003
June 2003
April 2003
February 2003
November 2002