The Arty Bees Books Easy Inspirational (Christmas) Present Flowchart

Last Christmas we put together a fine wee frenzy of madness and Christmas jollity planned especially for the hapless soul who had not yet started shopping and didn't know what to get for their nearest and dearest...

However, on reflection, this fine example of crazed retailing helpfulness, need not apply solely to the Christmas season.
People (you know who you are) have birthdays all year round that frequently require gifts!
And there are all manner of fabricated (gosh did I just say that — whoops!) holidays where you are meant to go out and get presents for your beloved friends and family, like Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Saints Days, Easter, Be Nice to Retail Assistants Day. (You think I made that last one up didn't you? — well,OK then, I guess it was worth a shot!)

So in the helpful and daft spirit it was intended, we have decided to make it a year round attraction on the Arty Bees Web site, so without further ado, here's the lead in...

...Waffle, waffle talking of the joys of Christmas advertising, waffle, waffle...

You see, we at Arty Bees Books are also customers, and we get hit with the same barrage of Retail Christmas Pressure as everybody else and interestingly a very large Department Store who-shall-remain-nameless is running a very similar Christmas campaign to that of a very large Bookstore Chain who-shall-remain-nameless ran last year.

That's not very interesting I hear you say.
Well it spectacularly isn't, you are quite right. Two extra marks to you.
Except that we thought the campaign was daft last year and (surprise, surprise) it's still daft this year.
So we thought we would take the proverbial and pull it, 'cos it's made of rubber. (Sorry I like to play mix and match with my hackneyed old clichés.)

The campaign last year consisted of the very large Bookstore Chain who-shall-remain-nameless hauling out all the old chestnuts that they were having trouble selling and labeling them as easy gift ideas.

"What's wrong with that?" I hear you say.
" I don't know what to get my girlfriend, I could do with a little help, and W*********" (whoops) "have very nicely supplied me with not just one but three different gift ideas for her."

Well, we at Arty Bees* think this is a very good way to get dumped on Boxing Day, and here's why.

This was a National Advertising Campaign.
It was on the TV and in newspapers, and on the radio.
The entire country saw these ads.
Which means that unless your lovely girlfriend (or Granny, or Mum, or Dad - insert appropriate hard-to-shop-for-relative here) was deaf and blind or out of the country, they knew the moment that they opened your gift that you had put all of point-zero-five-two of a nanosecond of thought into what to buy them.
And they know exactly how much it cost. **

I had visions of mothers with four or five children opening package after package with exactly the same book in them. Tragic.

And none of this even begins to cover the problem that no two girlfriends (or Mums, Grandads or Nanas) are actually alike.
(I'm sure that this isn't a shock to any of our readers, but it's possibly strange but true information to some unlucky punters out there.)

I can think of several girlfriends (not mine, other people's - I try not to be greedy) who wouldn't thank you for either a Marian Keyes novel (or already own them all) or a Tricia Guild Interior Decorating Book.

And surely there must be at least one Dad somewhere out there who doesn't want a selection of rugby books.

Where are the present solutions for the geek girlfriend, (chocolate and a RAM upgrade are always good) or the fish obsessed girlfriend (something on fish maybe? I wouldn't want to make assumptions), the Formula One fan girlfriend (duh, maybe something to do with cars....) or in fact the heavy metal, likes body-piercings and wants to join the Jim Rose Circus girlfriend?
I'm sure she's out there and requires a Christmas Present.
What's more, I'm sure that if her boyfriend (girlfriend?) bought her a copy of Angels by Marian Keyes, she probably would have dumped him/her on the spot. ***

So, here on Arty Bees' Website, in a world first, is
The Easy Inspirational Present Flow Chart
for finding presents for people you don't actually like that much

Its aim — to guide you to the present that speaks from your heart.

• Maybe you want to be dumped on Boxing Day. This could help that dream come true.
• Already cut out of Grandma's will? What have you got to lose?
• Hate your job and want to be fired? — get your boss the perfect gift.
• Do you feel a lot of regret about not punishing your kids enough when they still lived at home? It's never too late.

Enter The Arty Bees Easy Inspirational Present Flow Chart here.

And of course, all jokes aside, if you do actually like, nay even love all your nearest and dearest, (and we're sure you do!) we may just be able to help you find that perfect present for them.
A proper one in fact and not a silly one!

There are no guarantees of course, because everybody is an individual, but we will certainly try our best.

Enjoy.

* Not that we think we're better than them — well we sort of do, but not in a nasty way. (Ed. note: In a smug way). The readers of Capital Times very nicely voted that we were though, and I don't like to argue with The People when their democratic voice is heard. Back

**And in the worst case scenario, if she was two-timing you and had roughly equal taste in men/women she may get two copies of it, one from each of her boyfriends/girlfriends. Back

*** Probably after inserting it somewhere no book was every meant to be.... Back

See Also

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