The Big Book of More Sports Insults offers a uniquely jaundiced perspective on such memorable sporting events as Pizzagate, Colegate, the return of Ken ('at least he's not Norman') Bates, the epic clash of Beattie and Butt-head, the triumphant emergence of England's rugby union team as the worst world champions in history, and the strange case of Manchester United and the billionare stalker. It will also tell you the exact details of what Craig texted to Alan, what Alan said to Roy, and -- last but not least -- the true identity of the football manager known to tens of thousands as 'Colin Wanker'. Quotes include: He travels about as well as the most unstable real ale. (David Hopps on England's homesick fast bowler Steve Harmison) Footballers are scum ...if they weren't football players, most of them would be in prison, it's as simple as that. (Alan Sugar) You only score in a brothel. (Welsh fans to Wayne Rooney) A Toon Called Malice. (Headline in The Mirror on Newcastle's Souness-Bellamy spat.) You've bought the wrong Ronaldo. (Chelsea fans taunt Manchester United. ) Kelly Holme's outfit on Sunday looked like something a transvestite builder might favour.(
Matthew Norman on the dress Holmes wore for the BBC TV Sports Personality of the Year awards.)